Jokes

A man is stuck on a desert island for five long years. Finally, he summons the attention of a passing ship, and they pull in to the bay, and send a canoe ashore.

The rescuers are quite surprised to see three little houses built along the beach, and they say to him, "You know, we rescue a lot of people from desert islands, but we've never found anyone with a couple of houses... What are they for?"

"Well," he replies, "that first one there's my home... that's where I live." "Wow!" they say, "That's amazing. What's this second one?" "Ah, that's my church," he says. "What, you've built a church here? That's absolutely incredible, you must be a really spiritual man!" "Oh, yeah... whatever," he replies.

"So what's this third building here?", they ask, and immediately he seems a little embarrassed. "Ah, yes," he says, "that... Hmm, yes,... that's, ah... yes, that's my old church. I don't go there anymore."

Now it comes to pass that Stalin dies, and the responsibility for finding him a fitting place of burial falls to his successor, Kruschev. "Where," he wonders, "can we bury him without the tomb being dishonoured or defaced?" (Stalin has not been universally popular). So he decides to call the leaders of a few other countries to see if they would like him buried on their soil. Well, under the soil, technically, but you know what I mean.

He calls the President of the United States, and he describes the situation, but the President replies that Stalin wasn't all that popular in his part of the world either, and probably it wouldn't be a good idea. He added, though, that the Prime Minister of England might be worth a call. On the spur of the moment, though, the English leader also feels that it might seem a tad peculiar (elections coming up, and so on) -- so he suggests a few of the more radical European nations.

Nonetheless, after many calls throughout the world, no takers have been found, and Kruschev is greatly discouraged. But just as he's about to give up, he finds himself speaking with the Prime Minister of Israel, who seems suspiciously agreeable. In fact, the Prime Minister only mentions one possible negative to burying Stalin in Israel. He says, "Just on the balance of probability, it might not be the best idea."

Kruschev is rather baffled by this comment and replies, "What do you mean, 'on the balance of probability'?" The Israeli Prime Minister answers, "Well, it may be nothing of course, it's simply this: my country has the highest resurrection rate of any nation in the world."

Then Jesus called his disciples together and said unto them: "What about you? Whom do you say that I am?"

They answered him, saying, "You are the Christ, the eschatological manifestation of the kerygma that is the ground of our being, whose meaning we discover in our interpersonal relationships."

And Jesus said unto them, "What?"

Three good arguments that Jesus was black:

• He called all men brother
• He was into gospel
• He couldn't get a fair trial

… that he was Jewish: (apart form the fact that he actually was Jewish!)

• He went about his father's business
• He lived at home until he was 30
• He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was G-d

… that (s)he was a woman.

• Fed a crowd at a moment's notice … with no food
• Surrounded by guys who simply did not get it
• Even when dead, had to get up and finish something

There's also the 'was californian' argument, based on having started a new religion.